That Chick Can Waffle On

Putting aside the slightly misogynist title of this dish (which before I get complaints, I will point out was actually suggested by my wife) this is a story about one mans search for soul food and the ridiculous lengths I will go to when it comes to eating fried chicken.

I first heard about this dish while watching the 1997 Quentin Tarantino movie Jackie Brown. In the scene where Samuel L Jackson’s character, Ordell, is trying to convince his soon to be dead associate, Beaumont, to get into the trunk, he coaxes him with the following promise…

“When we get through fucking with these Koreans… me and you go to Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles on me…Think about it now…That ‘Scoe’s Special, smothered in gravy and onions…side of red beans and rice, some greens…That’s some good eatin’…”

Good eatin’ indeed.

Now while Beaumont never gets to take Ordell up on his offer as he is shot to death moments later, the idea of Chicken and Waffles was one that haunted me.

For years I would go to sleep at night and dream of this dish; crispy Fried Chicken on a bed of piping hot waffles, butter melting and oozing, the syrup pooling on the bottom of the plate. They start calling me, taunting me … and then I wake up with a start, drenched in a cold sweat like a war vet, clutching an imaginary knife and fork and screaming an order of Chicken and Waffles to an imaginary waitress. 

I needed to know more, I needed to taste it. But first I needed to know, what the hell it was.

Do you have Chicken and Waffles for Breakfast or Dinner? Waffles do lend themselves to a morning meal, but then again it could be a dessert. I realised I could eat fried chicken for breakfast, no problem. In fact, thinking about it, why wasn’t I eating fried chicken for breakfast? But this was only getting me more sidetracked and confused so I decided to research it further.

The origins of the dish are unclear and shrouded in finger lickin’ mystery. Some claim it was introduced when Thomas Jefferson bought a Waffle Iron to the States in 1790, others say it came from the Pennsylvania Dutch dish of Steamed Chicken with Waffles and Gravy. Others yet say it was born at the end of the Jazz era in 1938 at Wells Supper Club in Harlem where late night diners could not decide between breakfast and dinner. But like most Soul Food recipes it was probably handed down from generation to generation verbally and born from necessity…. which lets face it is the mother of all invention.

Continuing my search I found the most famous purveyors of the dish, Roscoe’s House of Chicken and Waffles established in 1975 in Long Beach California. Looking at the website and scanning through their menu it became clear to me that there was a whole world of food I was missing out on, and it seemed like everybody but me already knew about it. The more I looked into the dish, I found celebrities throughout the States were talking about it; Snoop Dog took David Beckham to eat it on his show Fatherhood, Gladys Knight owns her own Chicken and Waffles restaurant in Atlanta, Notorious B.I.G mentions it in his version of ‘Goin Back to Cali’, it’s in the film ‘Swingers’, hell even 30 Rock has a scene at M&G Soul Food Café in New York where they eat it.

And here I am, stuck in Australia, alone and Chicken and Waffle-less…

Dejected I knew that I would have to cross the great Pacific Ocean to sink my teeth into this, the Holy Grail of all Fried Chicken dishes.

But then, when all hope was lost and I had resigned myself to a world of healthy eating, a couple of friends asked me to join them for lunch at Sydney restaurant ‘Jazz City Diner’.

As I opened the menu my hands began to quiver. There, on the first page it sat… “Southern Fried Chicken with Waffles and Maple Syrup”. 

I looked up toward the Chef, my eyes blinded by tears and said “I’ll have the Chicken and Waffles please”.

In honor of that day I give you my humble attempt at Soul Food….

Southern Fried Chicken with Buttermilk Waffles and Maple Syrup

Ingredients

For the Waffles

500g Flour

2 Tsp Bicarbonate Soda

4 Tsp Baking Powder

2 Tsp Salt

40g Caster Sugar

150g Melted Butter

5 Eggs Beaten

750 ml Buttermilk

1 Waffle Iron

For the Southern Fried Chicken

Assorted Chicken Pieces (this one is up to you, Legs, Thighs, Wings, Breasts… they all taste good to me)

Enough Buttermilk to cover the chicken

500g Flour for dredging

Salt

Pepper

Peanut Oil amount depends on how you are cooking the chicken… we will get into that a little later.

Celery Stick (optional)

Butter

Maple Syrup

Method

1. First thing you need to do is prick the chicken pieces all over with a fork to ensure the buttermilk is penetrating the bird… if you have a large piece you can make an incision with a knife to the bone to make sure it cooks through. Once done place all the chicken in a dish and cover it in Buttermilk. Cover and place in the fridge overnight.
2. In a large bowl place flour with a good whack of salt and pepper. You can add other spices if you like. Personally I like the simplicity of the buttermilk batter… but I will leave that up to you. Dredge the chicken pieces well in the flour to ensure an even coating and leave out on a rack for 15 min or so to dry.
3. Now this is where the variants for frying chicken come into play, there are so many different ways to do this. I personally use a deep fryer at 180 degrees Celsius until golden brown but if you don’t have one you can shallow fry in a large pan… Cast Iron if you want to go old school. Anyhow if you are cooking this in a pan add enough oil for a shallow fry and heat to a medium temp. Now the temperature is the key, make sure pan does not get too hot or you will burn the outside and have raw chicken in the centre. You can even add some celery to the pan for extra flavour if you want… Anyway add the chicken to the pan and cook until golden brown, turn with a pair of tongs and repeat until cooked through. Just make sure that there in no pink in the chicken. Pierce a piece to make sure and ensure the juices run clear.
4. Once finished place chicken on wax paper or a rack to drain… don’t cover as they will loose their crispy goodness!
5. Now it’s time for the waffles. In a medium bowl mix flour, bicarbonate soda, baking powder, salt and caster sugar.
6. Add the eggs, butter and buttermilk and mix into a batter… if it has a couple of lumps don’t worry… it will still taste good.
7. Heat your waffle iron, brush with oil lightly and add mixture evenly over the iron.
8. Cook for 5-6 minutes so the waffles are crisp and golden.
9. Place the waffles on a plate with some butter; add the chicken and coat the whole dish with some Maple Syrup… heaven is only a mouthful away!

The Mexican Handroll

I hear you ask, what is a Mexican Handroll?

Is it a move similar to the Mexican Wave done at sporting events?

Is it a long forgotten 80’s break-dancing move?

Or is it some sort of new Internet term that was coined around the time of LOL, BRB and a million other Internet acronyms I don’t understand?

Well it’s none of them. It’s actually a dish I cooked last week inspired by the famous Baja Fish Taco and a Tempura Prawn Temaki Sushi or Handroll as Westerners call it.

There is a little Japanese Restaurant down the road from where I live that is one of my wife’s favorite places to get lunch from. The food is fresh, delicious and very reasonably priced. One of the things I like there the most is the Tempura Prawn Handroll.

If I could, I would eat ten of them every day… but then I am pretty sure after about a year I would balloon to 700 kg and my heart would probably explode!

If you know me at all I would say the same about Tacos.

I LOVE TACOS.

So when I was researching Fish Tacos last week while eating my Tempura Prawn Handroll for lunch I was struck by a moment of inspiration. Why not combine the two?

After a bit of fiddling around deciding which elements to combine and substitute, this is what emerged…

Bar Cod fried in a Chipotle infused Tempura Batter, with Guacamole, Tomato and Red Onion Salsa, Jalapeno Mayonnaise and Habanero Hot Sauce served on a Soft Flour Tortilla

Ingredients

2 Fillets of Bar Cod or any White Fish 

1 Bottle of Habanero Hot Sauce or any Hot Sauce that takes your fancy

A few Leaves of Green Oak Lettuce (depending on how many you are making!)

Vegetable Oil to Fry

Lime to squeeze over the top at the end

For the Chipotle Infused Tempura Batter

1 Cup Flour

1 Cup Water

1 Egg Yolk

2 – 3 Tblsp Chipotle Chilli Powder

For the Jalapeno Mayonnaise

200 ml Olive Oil

1 Egg Yolk

1 Tbsp Dijon Mustard

1 Lemon Cheek

1.5 Jalapeno Chilli Finely Diced

Salt

For the Guacamole

1.5 Avocado Halved with the flesh scooped out

Half a Jalapeno Finely Diced

1 Tomato Finely Diced

1 Clove of Garlic Finely Diced

2 Tblsp Coriander Finely Diced

1 Lime Cheek

Salt and Pepper

For the Tortilla

2 Cups Flour

4 or so Tablespoons of Vegetable Oil

Salt

Water

For the Red Onion & Tomato Salsa

2 Tomatoes Cored & Seeded and Finely Diced

¼ Red Onion Finely Diced

A Handful of Coriander Finely Diced

1 Lime Cheek

1 Serious Splash Tabasco Sauce

Salt & Pepper

Method

To Make Tortilla

1. Add three cups of flour to food processor. Start to blend and drizzle in oil. Add water in slow, thin stream stopping to allow dough to clump. Don’t add too much or we will have glue here people!!!
2. When dough forms remove from processor and knead like a mad man for 10 minutes on a floured work surface.
3. Wrap in Cling film and rest for 30 min in cool dry place.

To Make Red Onion & Tomato Salsa

1. Grab 2 Tomatoes core & seed them. Lay skin out flat and cut into long strips then dice finely
2. Time to go to onion town. Peel and slice red onion, use about ¼, cut into fine dice.
3. Rip a generous handful of coriander and chop finely
4. Combine all in a bowl, squeeze some of the lime and add a good splash of Tabasco Sauce… season till your heart is content with salt and pepper.

For the Jalapeno Mayonnaise

1. In a bowl place 1 egg yolk and tablespoon of mustard. Use a whisk start to combine ingredients while adding the olive oil in a slow steady stream (you will need to add about 200 ml). Continue to do this until mayonnaise is thick, and then add squeeze of lemon and mix.
2. Add Jalapenos to Mayonnaise and with a hand blender mix until the Jalapeno has been pureed and combined into the Mayonnaise. Season to taste.

For the Guacamole

1. Grab a Mortar and Pestle
2. Add Avocado, Tomato, Garlic, Coriander, Jalapeno and a squeeze of Lime.
3. Mash together into a rough Paste and season to taste with Salt and Pepper.

For the Chipotle Infused Tempura Batter

1. In a Large bowl combine flour, water, Egg Yolk and Chipotle Chilli Powder.
2. Combine ingredients ensuring that the mixture is a little lumpy

To Cook the Tortillas

1. Set Oven to 50 degrees Celsius.
2. Divide into small ½ fist size portions and roll out with rolling pin on floured surface. Make sure you roll to the edge and ¼ turn to get a good circular shape…. Then again you may want them to have some personality so if they are not perfect, no big deal!
3. Roll dough out till it is approx 1 mm thin and repeat until you have enough for dinner… wrap and put excess dough in the fridge for another day
4. Heat a dry pan and cook on each side till brown spots appear.
5. Wrap in foil and reserve in oven

To Cook the Fish

1. Cut Fish into strips about 3 cm wide.
2. Place Fish into the batter and coat well.
3. Pour about 3 or 4 cm oil into Frypan or Saucepan and heat to 180 digress Celsius. If you don’t have a thermometer add so bread to the oil, if it browns in about 3 seconds you know it is about right.
4. Add the Fish in small batches and cook until Golden… should be max one and a half to Two minutes. Remove from heat and reserve on paper towels.

To Finish

1. Lay out the Tortillas and add a couple of spoons of Guacamole.
2. Top with some Lettuce, Fish, Salsa and some Jalapeno Mayonnaise.
3. Add a squeeze of Lime and Hot Sauce to taste.

Food That Rocks on Food24

Great news this week with Food That Rocks blogs now featured on Africas Biggest food website, Food24.

Make sure you check it out at: http://www.food24.com/

Rock On!

Aaron

New Chicks Who Love Guns Song….

Listen to the new Chicks Who Love Guns single ‘Run People’ on Unearthed. Write a review, download, love it!http://www.triplejunearthed.com/Artists/View.aspx?artistid=43537

Elmer Fudds’ Revenge

I always go for the bad guy in movies. They’re the ones we love to hate. But if we hate them so much, why are they so popular and stay with us long after the movie has finished?

There is something about those dastardly, moustache-curling menaces to society that intrigues me. Probably because nine times out of ten the villains are infinitely more interesting and complex than the hero counterpart. Sure their motivations are a bit twisted, wanting world domination and such, but hey, they keep us glued to the screen.

You cant honestly tell me that in Star Wars Saga when you first met the Ewoks or the unbelievably annoying Jar Jar Binks didn’t you want Darth Vader to come along and end your pain with a swift swing of his lightsaber.

Just try and imagine a world without them.

You cant, because without them, there would be no heroes. And I think secretly we need to see what would happen if they do get to carry out their evil deeds….

In Silence of the Lambs, we want to see what would happen if Hannibal escaped.

In Jaws, we want Bruce the Shark to keep on chomping through crowds of swimmers.

And if we didn’t, well they wouldn’t have made sequels where all that stuff happens.

In many cases it is the villains that are provoked in the first place. For example, In Lord of the Rings, all Gollum wanted was his ring back. It had been stolen, that’s right… STOLEN from the cave where he lived by a fat, greedy little hobbit.

Now sure, Gollum was a little insane, maybe he had done wrong in the past with the whole murdering his best friend incident but he had paid the price by transforming into a twisted shell of his former self.

But that doesn’t mean that Bilbo Baggins had the right to steal his most precious possession. Personally I wish they had Judge Judy in that story. I am sure she would have made Bilbo give the ring back and probably awarded Gollum damages for pain and suffering.

And don’t get me started on Looney Toons cartoons. Oh the inequity of it all!

Am I alone in thinking that The Roadrunner and Bugs Bunny were actually the bad guys?

They continually antagonized and provoked characters like Elmer Fudd and Marvin the Martian into fighting with them in the first place. These poor guys, who were innocently going about their daily business of “hunting wabbits” or preparing the world for a Martian invasion, suddenly have a carrot chomping, dress-wearing rabbit in their faces for no good reason.

And after they have had a boulder dropped on their heads, been pushed off a thousand foot cliff or had a tonne of dynamite detonated in their faces they would be subjected to the added humiliation of a gloating bunny uttering a smart ass one liner as they lay writhing in pain on the ground… if you ask me that’s more than anyone should be asked to bare!

Just for once I would have loved to see the poor, long suffering Wile E Coyote put on a pair of rocket powered roller skates and catch the Roadrunner.

Or the vertically challenged Yosemite Sam finally get some peace and quiet by ridding us of Bugs Bunny… Remember rabbits are an introduced species and considered a pest in Australia, so technically he would be doing us all a favour.

So for all of the black-hearted villains who came so close but never got to live the dream, I twirl my moustache, give an evil laugh and dedicate this dish to you…

Elmer Fudds’ Revenge… Egg Yolk Ravioli Stuffed with Rabbit Ragu, a Rabbit and Porcini Mushroom Sauce, Carrot Puree and a Radish Salad.

Ingredients

For the Rabbit Ragu

1 Large Rabbit de-boned

3 Carrots diced finely

1 Stick Celery diced finely

1 Spanish Onion diced finely

3 Cloves of Garlic diced finely

1 Bay Leaf

1 Tin Diced Tomatoes

1 Litre Chicken Stock

4 Sprigs of Thyme

100 g Pancetta diced finely

1 Cup White Wine

Splash of Olive Oil

Salt

Pepper

For the Egg Yolk Pasta Dough

2 Cups Double Zero Flour

12 Egg Yolks

1 tbsp Olive Oil

For the Rabbit and Porcini Mushroom Sauce

Rabbit Bones

2 Cups Chicken Stock

1 Cup White Wine

2 Sprigs Thyme

1 Clove of Garlic chopped roughly

Pinch of Nutmeg

Pinch of Dried Porcini Mushroom Powder

For the Carrot Puree 

3 Carrots Grated

50g Unsalted Butter

100ml Cream

For the Radish Salad

3 Radishes Sliced thinly

Frisée lettuce washed and broken into small pieces

Olive Oil

Method

For the Rabbit Ragu

1. De-bone the Rabbit and reserve the bones. Prep the vegetables and Pancetta as per the ingredients list
2. Put a large pot onto the stove at a low heat and heat a large fry pan over a medium flame. Add a splash of olive oil to both and brown the rabbit in small batches in the fry pan. When finished transfer to the pot.
3. Add the Carrots, Celery, Onions, Garlic and Pancetta and cook through then deglaze the pan with white wine. Cook until the alcohol has reduced by two thirds then add to the pot.
4. Increase the heat under the pot and add the Tomatoes, Chicken stock, Bay leaf and Thyme. Season with salt and pepper and bring to a boil. Cover and drop the temperature to low. Allow to simmer for one hour.
5. After an hour remove the lid and continue to simmer and reduce for about 2 hours, stirring every half hour or so.
6. Cook until the meat is braised and broken up and the liquid has reduced to form a Ragu.
7. Let cool and remove the bay leaf, thyme sprigs and any bones that may have snuck into the pot. Reserve.

For the Rabbit and Porcini Mushroom Sauce

1. Heat Oven to 180 degrees.
2. Place Rabbit bones in Roasting Pan and cook for about 15 – 20 minutes until nicely browned
3. Remove pan from oven and transfer to stovetop on low heat. Deglaze the pan with white wine and add the Garlic and Thyme.
4. Cook until the alcohol has reduced by two thirds.
5. Add Chicken Stock, Nutmeg and Dried Porcini Mushroom Powder and simmer until the liquid has reduced by half.
6. Strain the contents of the pan into a bowl through a China Cap and then again through a fine mesh sieve to remove any particles in the sauce.
7. Transfer to a small saucepan and cook till until sauce consistency. Taste and season. Reserve.

For the Carrot Puree

1. Add the grated Carrots and butter to a small saucepan and heat until butter melts.
2. Cover and drop temperature to low. Cook for about 8 minutes until carrots are soft, stirring every few minutes.
3. Let cool and then add Carrots to a blender with half the cream. Puree and add the rest of the cream if is needed.
4. Pass through fine mesh sieve. Reserve.

For the Radish Salad

1. Slice the Radishes wafer thin either using a knife or a Mandoline.
2. In a bowl toss the Radish with the Frisée lettuce and olive oil. Reserve.

For the Pasta Dough

1. In a large bowl add two cups of flour and create a well. Add some salt. Then add olive oil and egg yolk and mix together in s circular motion, slowly incorporating the flour until you have a rough dough.
2. Transfer to a floured work surface and knead the dough for 8 – 10 minutes. Wrap in cling film and store in refrigerator for 30 minutes
3. Get out your pasta machine and set it to the largest setting. Divide your dough into three portions and run the first portion through the machine folding and quarter turning after each pass 17 times. Repeat for the other 2 portions of dough. Once through the largest run each [portion through, narrowing your machine one notch each time until you have passed through 6 times.
4. Lay pasta sheets on floured flat surface and portion filling on the middle of the sheet approx 3cm apart.
5. Fold sheet in half covering the mixture and gently outline the filling with your fingers. Press sheets together ensuring there are no air bubbles. Cut pasta using half of a circular pastry ring to make a half-moon. Repeat this process and then press the lip of the ravioli together with your fingers to ensure it is sealed. Flour and store on baking tray lined with floured baking paper.

To Finish

1. In a pot of salted boiling water add the ravioli and cook until the float to the surface… no more than about 2-3 min max. Remove with a slotted spoon and place into a colander.
2. Reheat Carrot Puree and Rabbit and Porcini Mushroom Sauce.
3. Heat a large fry pan with 50g butter and when melted add the ravioli tossing quickly to coat the pasta.
4. Spoon some of the Puree onto the plate, add two Ravioli and drizzle over some of the sauce.
5. Finish with some of the Radish salad and if you like some grated Parmesan cheese.

Elmer Fudds’ Revenge

New blog up very soon, Elmer Fudds’ Revenge…. Egg Yolk Ravioli Stuffed with Rabbit Ragu, a Rabbit and Porcini Mushroom Sauce, Carrot Puree and a Radish Salad.

Phuketamine

When the maggot crawled out of the rice and onto the side of the plate, he smiled.

He raised his face to the sun and smiled at me.

At least that is what I said to myself.

The 5 am breakfast that we have started has come to a crashing halt. We are in Phuket.

At a five star resort.

And the maggot has just winked at me.

Pushing aside the breakfast plate we talk about the day ahead… it is a big one.

Bangkok and Chaing Mai have been way too intense for holiday time, we need to take the foot off the accelerator and chill out…. So we are staying at a resort in Nakalay Bay on a private beach.

Our hut is amazing, surrounded by gnarled and twisted trees, right on the edge of the water.

And we are far away from the infamous trouble of Patong. 

Putting breakfast in the back of our minds we get into a car and head to the boat on the other side of Puket so we can tour the famous Phi Phi Islands….

The weather in Phuket for the past 9 days has been cyclonic. Tropical storms bursting from nowhere, vicious high tides and wind that has whipped the island like an angry S&M Mistress.

But, we have been assured by our tour rep that things will be fine today… a great day to go out on the ocean.

Arriving at the boat we sign in, get our photo taken for insurance purposes and realize that while this is the most popular tourist destination in Phuket that we are the only boat going out today….

As they hand out free seasickness tablets from a bowl, I watch a group of Australians decide that with their hangovers they wont be able to handle the seas.

My first warning has happened but I pay no heed….

I eat the tablets like they are M&M’s, each fueled with the stopping power to chill an angry Rhino and I am ready to go.

We board the boat, packed at 30, the capacity, and as we pull out from the dock I hear the theme from Gilligan’s Island running through my head…. The Captain says, should be a three-hour tour…

We head off across the Andaman Sea…. The Phi Phi Islands are about 20 kms off Phuket… but I forgot to tell you this one thing…. This one little thing. 

I have not been in the ocean in 26 years.

I have a morbid fear of sharks, so strong that it has prevented me from even dipping one toe into the water… and now I sit in the middle of the ocean, every shark film I have ever seen running through my head…

But for some reason I am calm… well only one reason…. I have taken 3 seasickness tablets and am pretty positive that if they asked me to spend a night with Jeffrey Dahmer I would rock up with a bottle of Baileys and a smile.

We finally reach the North Island, Phi Phi Don. We drift past Viking Cave, one of the most amazing caves you will ever see, covered in bamboo scaffolds and lapped by clear aquamarine water. It is like something out of a movie, that movie being The Beach… you can only look and pray that your eyes have the capacity to take in everything they are presented with.

Viking Cave is one of the places that they harvest swallow nests for soup. This simple and unassuming product garners over $3000 a gram on the Chinese market and is the only meal I have ever seen Anthony Bourdain eat and become violently ill.

As we drift slowly we spend the next ten minutes snapping shots at almost every cave, alcove and inlet that cross our view… if heaven had the time to sign its name on earth, its John Hancock would have been right here.

Our boat anchors in a massive cove surrounded by sheer cliffs, in the trees that surround Monkeys hang precariously catching fruit thrown to them by the crew. We are told that normally you would not be able to move in this place but we are very lucky that nobody else is here…

Without a thought I jump off the boat and experience the splendor that Phi Phi Don has to offer…

It is the first time I have been in the water in 26 years so as I surface I instantly swim towards the others… my thinking is that if I position myself in the middle of them I will be less vulnerable to shark attacks…. 

As they float and move, so do I, and as my fear subsides I take in the incredible gift I have been given swimming here. The water, so high in salt content forces you to float, and I lay on the surface like a Jewish Dugong, basking in the morning sun.

We move on… and land at the next island for lunch. After the meal we sit on the beach and enjoy the surroundings.

The water laps gently against the shore. Kids run around and laugh happily.

 A woman sits lonely under a tree and gazes out over the sea.

Storm clouds, as black as pitch, gather and loom ominously in the distance.

And then it happens. The storm hits…. well storm is an understatement….

Hell opens up above Phi Phi and the Andaman Sea…. this is why no other tour boats are here… and we have chosen the one lunatic, irresponsible asshole of a captain who decided to ignore all weather warnings.

We are told to put on lifejackets and board the boat. They are going to make a mad dash for Phuket.

For the next hour we bounce through hurricane whipped swells, the entire tour party is crying, vomiting or cursing… but I am calm…. So calm… only cause I am drugged to the hilt from the extra 2 seasickness tablets I managed to take before Gilligan and Skipper decided to finish their three-hour tour early. As monstrous waves crash over the bow and our tiny, minnow of a ship is tossed…

After an hour or so of pure terror the waves and rain suddenly clear…. The Captain, knowing he has a mutiny on his hands decides to stop at one of the two Kai Islands…

the one we land at is a sandy spit in the middle of the sea with huts, deckchairs and one tree at the far end… the water is like a bath, the setting is almost dreamlike.

Time to drink cocktails and many of them….

No hard liquor on the rocks or beer here, just island drinks in coconuts and pineapples… and they go down way too well…

The Pina Colada in young coconut is amazing and I am soon scooping the sweet flesh out and dashing to the bar for one more before the boat takes us back to terra firma.

When we make it back to Phuket we decide we need a drink and to explore some of the towns.

We drive around and see the sights and then decide to stop in the little village of Kamala….

After some searching we find a little place to eat that has just opened its doors for business. We ask for some soup and noodles… both fantastic and hot which was exactly what was needed after our ordeal…

After Kamala we head back to the beach for Happy hour, sun baking and preparation to head into Patong for dinner.

We drive for about 15 minutes and arrive in Patong at sunset… the beach is beautiful, the red sun hangs swollen, full and lazy on the edge of the horizon.

We decide to split a soup on the beach to warm up our stomachs for the night of eating ahead; kind of like athletes warming up before the big race.

After passing through some markets we make one wrong turn and instead of finding a side street filled with local cuisine we hit the main strip. 

It is like being hit in the face by a neon baseball bat, like going on spring break for sex tourists… this place is totally out of control… we are confronted from every side. We stop for a brief photo out front of Suzie Wong’s Ass Slapping Fun Place….

We duck and weave through a million offers of Ping Pong and Catfish shows and take shelter from the fluorescent storm in the first bar we find.

Almost instantly we make new friends with a couple from South Africa, who are fans of MasterChef. We all drink together and start bar hoping up the strip, ending up at Tai Pan Nightclub.

I love this place… and I am pretty positive I see the one of the guys from Evanescence lip syncing on stage to one of his own songs…

Time to find some food, and we don’t have to look too far… the following happens, though not necessarily in this order….

Eat prawns that weigh 750 grams each.

Meet a lady boy that gives me a kiss on the cheek.

Buy a dried squid lit pink from a fluorescent light

Watch a Sex Tourist try and pick up a girl at a bar

Buy flowers from a cute old lady

See Tsunami Evacuation signs and shudder inside to think what happened here not that long ago

See a Thai Elvis Impersonator perform “Hound Dog”

We find this great place to eat that is set up on the street each afternoon and torn down at night… staff are super cool and after chatting for a while they take me back into the makeshift kitchen to watch the food getting cooked… I feel very lucky….

We order Noodles, Rice, Crab in Yellow Curry

Deep fried Red Snapper with Chilli and Garlic, the owner smiling when he hears we want the fish packed with chilli

All of this is of course washed down by many Singa Beers and another soup for the road…

After saying our goodbyes we hit the street looking again for that ever adventurous meat on a stick… we eat flattened chicken legs, more dried squid, Pigs Intestine and something that I think are testicles…

After a bit we decide we have had enough guts and nuts for one evening and hail a Tuk Tuk to take us to our serine little bay and away from the neon flashing corruption of Patong…

As is always the way the Tuk Tuk we hail turns out to be a mobile disco, with a disco ball, strobing party lights and blasting a cover of Aqua’s Barbie Girl so loud our eardrums rupture and bleed as soon as we get in.

We pull up to the front of our resort, waking everyone in a 3 km radius.

I exit the Tuk Tuk and smile.

I really like this place.